Wearing 30 like a badge of honor

When I turned 25, I seriously struggled with the thought of “getting older”. While most people start feeling that pressure and confusion transitioning from 29 to 30, I swear that shift happened for me at 25. Also why am I talking about turning 25 like as if I shifted into a werewolf for the first time.

Let’s start over.

Turning 25 felt like a shift but not in the sense of “I-need-to-be-more-responsible” or “I-need-to-be-more-of-an-adult”. It was more the feeling that something was ending: a phase, a stage…maybe an era?

Given, I turned 25 in 2020, right in the midst of quarantine and the pandemic. That definitely did a number as well. Those three years we spent patiently waiting for life to resume pushed everyone to confront who they are and contemplate who they wanted to become. I was no exception.

Since that year, I've created the happiest of memories but also lived through by far the saddest. It was a monumental decade filled with growth, creation, and self-discovery—containing so many different phases, each contributing to the person I am today. It’s a decade I’m incredibly grateful for but not one whose end I’ll mourn.

During this decade, I had many opportunities to revisit the lessons I’ve learned. I actually created several YouTube videos around said lessons, some a little cringey to look back to but fun to review nonetheless. At 22, I started to live for myself. At 24, I was a little jaded.

Quite a few of my close friends have told me that turning 30 felt meaningful in a terrifying way—as if crossing this threshold meant coming face to face with a different set of expectations. Or feeling like they’re bidding a sad farewell to the last decade of unadulterated “fun”. while I do understand these feelings, I’m feeling quite differently.

The months leading up to my birthday, I felt like I’ve been trying on 30 like a badge of honor. I made it. I got through all of the hard times, the lessons, and quite frankly the menty b’s. I lived through 30 years of life.

My 20s were fun and filled with self-discovery. But it was also encumbered with self-doubt, uncertainty, and self-abandonment—all of which I’ve had to slowly unlearn. Although I can’t say that 30 marks completed healing, I can say I’m at a more stable and secure point where the healing can happen more effortlessly and consistently.

Looking back, I’m proud of my twenties. I fought tooth and nail to become who I am today, and I’m proud of her too. That’s why I’m not mourning the passing of my twenties. I’m bidding it farewell with so much love and thanks. I’m welcoming the next decade with open-mindedness and curiosity. I can’t wait to see what it brings me.

Recently at an event, someone guessed I was in my mid-twenties, which was a lovely compliment. I then proudly responded, "I'm actually 30,” which felt so good to say and honestly so right. For once it feels like this numerical label actually accurately represents who I am, what I’ve gone through, and what’s still to come. For a long time I felt stuck at 25. Now I feel clearly 30 and it’s a beautiful feeling.

I’m not going to lie and say I don’t think about whether I’ve achieved “enough” at this age. The thought naturally comes to all of us raised by boomers. We’ve been instilled the same life schedule: go to school, get a job, get married, buy a home, have kids, etc.

I’m nowhere near getting married, I don’t plan on having kids, and buying a home can only come once I’ve finalized where I’m going to live after my international move. Does that scare me at times? A little. However, I’m trusting the process and myself. Setting goals and achieving them has always been my forte so as long as I stay focused, I’ll get to where I need to go.

20 lessons I learned in my 20s.

1. Trust with yourself needs to be built much like trust with a new partner. By showing up for yourself and doing the things you say you’re going to do, you’re building a strong foundational trust with yourself that will show up in confidence, achievement, and deeper self-love.
2. You’re allowed (and encouraged) to choose peace. You’re allowed (and encouraged) to choose yourself. Even if it means letting people down. Even if it means leaving people behind. You deserve peace.
3. Boundaries aren’t meant to create distance. Boundaries can actually help build stronger relationships. It allows for mutual respect and gaining a deeper understanding of the other person. If someone does not respect your boundaries, they shouldn’t be in your life.
4. When people tell you who they are, believe them. If someone is telling you I’m an asshole, take it for what it is and make a decision not to engage.

Below the paywall, you’ll find 16 more lessons I learned in my twenties. I hope you enjoy it <3

5. The world doesn’t end when you put yourself first. You’ll feel guilty at first but it’ll get easier. The people around you will learn.
6. You don’t owe anyone anything. You do owe it to yourself to care for yourself and live your best life.
7. Everyone says life is short but you won’t understand fully until someone close to you passes.
8. From my therapist: it’s not your job. It’s not your job to manage other people’s emotions. It’s not your job to make sure everyone around is alright. It’s just not.
9. Humans crave familiarity. Sometimes that familiarity is towards chaos and pain. Just because something feels like home doesn’t mean it’s a safe space.
10. Everything in your body is sooo connected. Stress in your mind could show up as acne, physical pain, or even illness. Take care of yourself in one way to take care of yourself in all ways.
11. There will come a day that you may need to start over, whether it be a big move, a break up, or something else. It’ll finally dawn on you that less is more and it’ll feel SO good.
12. There’s a difference between loving being alone and isolation. Don’t let yourself disconnect from those who are closest to you. Turn inward to observe and care for yourself, not to hide.
13. Trauma and pain stays in your body. It takes work to unlearn and relearn what healthy happiness really looks like. Put in the work. It’s one of the best things you can do for yourself.
14. (Most of) our parents tried their best with what they had. What you’re learning now through self-awareness, therapy, and books were maybe resources that they didn’t have when they were younger. Teach them what you learn and start that communication channel. They’ll thank you for it.
15. At the end the day, you have a choice who you keep in your life and who you let go of. That includes family.
16. Learning to listen to your body is one of the greatest lessons you can learn in life. Often times, your body knows when something is wrong for you FAR sooner than your brain. Your thoughts are shaped by experiences, familiarity (whether healthy or unhealthy), and trauma. Your body is intuitive and will always protect you so long as you pay attention.
17. Like a lot of things in life, social media doesn’t have to be a negative influence in your life. Shift your mindset and take what you need from it. Control your relationship with it, not the other way around.
18. Chasing trends will never feel as satisfying as learning what clothes work for your body and that you feel comfortable and confident in.
19. Your twenties are meant for you to make mistakes, learn, and grow. It really is the decade that sets the foundation for who you are and who you want to be. Don’t be afraid to try new things and just enjoy the process.
20. Skincare is such a TRAP sometimes. All you need is a good moisturizer, a good cleanser, some form of exfoliation, and to wear SPF every day.

Honestly there are probably so many more lessons than just those 20 but I think that’s a great list to start. My twenties were hard but I wouldn’t change a thing. (Okay no, I’d change maybe a few things that really did NOT need to happen)

If you’re currently in your twenties and thinking about turning 30 scares you, don’t fret. There really is so much clarity and confidence that comes with a new decade. I promise.

You got this <3